Hey, hi, hello ❤ Welcome back!! I got this random burst of inspiration to write a more personal post all about boys, but there was too much I wanted to talk about relating to boys, and relationships, and girl struggles, and TMI stuff, and of course I wasn’t going to fit all that in a single post and bore you to death, so instead I’m making it a new thing on my blog, sort of like a series where I just ramble about things like that! And since I drink crap ton of coffee, let’s call these Coffee Talks!
I won’t post these in a set schedule, but roughly, one every few posts will be more ramping about these topics, and everything else will sort of stay the same. My objective with this is to be able to give advice, sorta like an older sister, because apparently I’m good with that, sooooo here we go… Welcome to episode one!
Today I’ll be talking about boys.
Before I even get started, let me just clarify one thing: you can feel free to exchange the word “boy” with “girl”, a “he” to a “she” and a “him” to a “her” wherever you see fitting. I’m not trying to exclude anyone and their sexual preferences, I just use the word “boy” as it applies to my personal preference and experience.
Ugh, how I wish I could sit here and ramble about something else, but unfortunately boys are a huge part of our lives. For the greater portion of my middle school and high school years, I felt that me having a boy in my life was an essential. That it was a must, and that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be considered “cool”.
As I grow older, I begin to observe my sister and her friends who are just starting to go into high school, and they feel the same way as I did: That the objective of the school year is to get a boyfriend. Not to get educated, not to work on social skills, not to figure out what you want to do with your life, but to get a boyfriend. And not just aaaany boyfriend, but rather, THE boyfriend. You know the type, slightly taller than you, big pretty eyes, good at hugs and all that. We’ve all had our fair share of crushes on “those” kinds of boys, mostly in late middle school and beginning to high school.
And the reason for that is because we, as young impressionable women, get socialized to grow up looking for a man. Almost as if we are taught that we need someone to help us, to guide us, and to complete us. And for the LONGEST time ever, I identified with that. Always seeking to find a partner, and getting desperate about finding a partner to the point where I would lower my standards so someone, anyone, could meet them. It saddens me looking back it now, to think how bad of a decision that was.
Because of this constant reminder that I need someone in order to be whole, and the fear of ending up forever alone, I made THE DUMBEST DECISIONS, EVER. I’m talking things such as, dating people I have had nothing in common with, staying in relationships with people I didn’t “click” with and even staying in relationships with people who betrayed me just because I aways had this feeling that mediocre is always better than nothing, or even worse that bad is better than nothing.
Obviously, I eventually grew out of that ideology, and let me tell you, I have never been happier. Having that weight being lifted off your shoulders is perhaps the happiest feeling of my life. The moment that you allow yourself to realize that you are okay, on your own and that you are whole by yourself, a ton of the pressure goes away.
I know we all want to find true love, eventually, and I believe that we will. There are 7.4 BILLION people on the planet, I personally GUARANTEE you, that there are at least A FEW that would make amazing husbands and wives to you. All you have to do is wait for your paths to cross.
You were born alone, and God, or the universe, or whatever greater power you believe in, or even Science has given you EVERYTHING that you need to survive by yourself. You have lived SOOO many years by yourself, and survived the challenges that have come to you, so I promise you, you can handle everything on your own.
In fact, I believe that you can’t possibly love someone else, until you truly love and trust yourself to the maximum.
There is this quote that I saw online. It reads: “If you were doing okay before him, you will do great after him” so don’t be scared to get rid of toxic people in your life. Don’t be scared to lose someone who isn’t worth your time. Don’t be scared losing someone who doesn’t treat you well, and don’t be scared to lose someone who has treated you amazingly, if deep down you know that you guys are not meant to be.
Focus on loving yourself, trusting yourself and believing in yourself, to the point where you don’t NEED someone to fulfill you. And I promise, when you cross that milestone, everything else will come.
It wasn’t until I ended a very long but toxic, bad relationship from my past, and felt the empowerment in knowing that I can be okay on my own, that I met my current boyfriend, someone I can see myself marrying one day.
You don’t need boys, you just want them. Once you start identifying the difference, your life will change.
~~Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed/found this helpful. If you did, leave me a comment below, because it will make my day! Also, if you want me to talk about specific topics, leave suggestions below & I’ll do them! Love you <33
Until next time,